2001-07-28, 7:50 a.m., the most important thing in a relationship

...is sex

It's amazing how many people don't think that's true. Or at least, won't admit to it. If they are single, and searching for someone, then they certainly won't say it out loud to the nation via a t.v. camera. Maybe they think it would make it appear as if they are shallow. If the person is in a relationship, then they don't say it because perhaps there would be a sudden down-turn in the interpersonal temperature.

And in a comedy debate, the negative won the argument. Primarily because they were better organised, and therefore more funny, in my opinion.

So I've been thinking on this topic for the past few days. (Something to mull over as I toss and turn in bed, waiting for sleep to claim me, and miserably failing.) And I figure that "yes, sex is the most important thing in a relationship".

The importance of sex is where it has been placed in the priority of things. Either it is Number One, or it isn't. And both (or more) partners have to be in agreement on this. People have different sex drives. If one needs it more than the other, then what is the one supposed to do? Wank off? Repeatedly cajole the other? Well, okaaay, those are answers. Not very satisfactory though. Find a sex partner rather than a life partner? Not very satisfactory either, I suspect. Or try to have their cake, and enjoy it too? (Have both a sex and a life partner. But in that case other things come into play, such as trust and honesty.)

In a friendship, sex plays an important part also. To put it another way, a mature 'relationship' is where you have sex with your friend. 'Friendship' (as opposed to 'relationship') is where sex is not an integral part of the association. So sex is important in a friendship because it isn't the Number One priority.

Another situation where 'sex is important because it isn't' is casual intercourse. In those circumstances, the willing parties (2 or more) place sex high in the priority of things but low in terms of emotional investment, i.e. sex is not a big deal for them. Get a hunger, satisfy it. A simple solution. No philosophical metaphysical meanderings. No long-term involvement. Because if there is long-term involvement, the 'casual ' morphs into a Relationship. And therefore sex is the most important thing in that relationship.

To quote from "How to make an American Quilt":
Young lovers seek perfection

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