2001-08-08, 10:14 p.m., cheers!

I felt the onset of depression again. Perhaps I should rather call it the blues. It feels like hopelessness. It is a bad thing to have.

It began when I met two teachers I knew at high school, when I am still working at the job I had when I got out of high school. I am working part-time. My life has not moved on. It has not grown. I have not grown.

And if circumstances were otherwise, tonight I would have needed my father to transport me to my place of work. I hate that dependency.

So all that for 4 hours, running iteratively through my head. One thought leads to the other. The other leads to an increase in the level of dissatisfaction with my life. And to my self-mockery.

(I do not like it when people blame outside factors for their own failures. And yet I do the same. "Hypocrite!" to quote from Jesus of Bible fame.)

Circumstances being what they were, I drove myself home (yay). I had my shower. I had dinner while I browsed my 'net communications.

Then I decided to browse my guestbook. And I am humbled. And cheered. People do read my words. *blush* My life is not quite futile. My daydream of being a readable writer is not yet dashed against jagged shards of reality. Thank you (Jenn, jen/caerula, Sophie, HawaiiBoy02, chiv, mechaieh) for writing in my guestbook. An ego-stroker; but sometimes it really makes all the difference.

(^_^)

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