Friday, Mar. 17, 2006, 11:38 p.m., catching up

I've been re-reading old entries, going back to October/November 2003. I had despaired about the stress and overtime I felt I'd need to do.

Well. It doesn't compare to what I actually did do in the 6 weeks I was Acting Office Manager. From 17 Jan to 3 Feb I did 16.75 hours. From 7 Feb to 17 Feb I did 22.25 hours. From 21 Feb to 24 Feb I did 13.5 hours. And dammit. The stress sucked big time. My stress level didn't go down until today, even though the new manager started two weeks ago. I don't recommend feeling so conscientious and responsible for working two roles and doing them well.

Although I did a bottle of wine from a colleague who appreciated the time and work I did. None from Boss though.

Friday, Mar. 17, 2006, 10:55 p.m., pushmipullmi

I forgot I hadn't updated between February and March. Well I got a new boss a couple of weeks ago. She's just finished her second week. All turning out well so far. My late nights have mainly stopped. now I stay behind to chat with friends.

I'm not getting married in April. The wedding is tentatively planned for November.

My sis is still living with us.

I'm getting a new apartment manager. I forgot to pay my rent last week but I think it has been sorted out now. The toilet seat has been fixed - we mentioned last year to the then-landlord that it needed fixing. And this year it has been fixed.

I've paid for two tickets to go to England in May and I've paid for the insurance too.

I'm missing my nephew. I'm in the same country as him, in the same city, only 15mins drive away. But I don't see him as often as I'd like to because my fiance...I love my fiance. I would do almost anything for him. I want to make him happy. But I miss my charming nephew who loves me and missed me when I was in UK for 2004. I don't spend enough time with him. I have tears in my eyes because I miss him. But I love my fiance.

Friday, Mar. 17, 2006, 10:40 p.m., compliments

I'm sitting in the computer room while the other people are sitting outside in the living room watching "Firefly" on the t.v. I've seen this episode - where the Captain is 'married'. Not especially rivetting the second time around to me.

I've had some compliments on my work performance lately. Last week a customer said that I was the best person they'd found to give them consistent answers. This afternoon a retiring colleague said that I had helped him with the work through the years (3-odd years) and that he didn't know what it would have been like without me. He corrected himself mid-sentence and said 'actually I do know, when you away that year' (in 2004) and it didn't turn out too well.
I've also had some positive feedback from colleagues within the University who were pleased with my work.

All in all I am worried I am experiencing a gradual decline in my facility for writing.

Thursday, Feb. 09, 2006, 9:15 p.m., doing better this week

Hi all, this week I'm doing better at work. I'm more cheerful. I think I'm doing my work well. And I went out to lunch with a colleague and I hope I have a friend of her. People are helping to make the office work, which is great. Everyone doing their bit. It is rather hard to be the Acting Office Manager because there is a degree of supervision required to make sure that the place is kept humming. [cue the Courier story of today: Yesterday a parcel needed to be delivered over to the North Shore by yesterday afternoon, and it wasn't despite us following the booking procedure. So the Receptionist called up the company and talked to them and said it had to be picked up and delivered by the end of the day. The Courier operator gave assurance it would be picked up today. So I checked at mid-morning. It was still there. I checked before lunchtime. It was still there. I checked after lunch. It was still there. So I asked R to call up the Courier again, and she did and she was very assertive with them to the point where the Courier operator took the delivery address and got a same-hour courier to pick up and deliver. Just before 3pm it was duly picked up. Then at 4pm the courier belonging to the Courier company came along expecting to pick up a package. doh. then again, not my problem.] I don't do it perfectly to be sure - there are times when I feel sure I'm being too officious and overbearing. When I get funny looks from my colleagues. I'm super sensitive. But all the same I'm also getting a modicum of praise. To tell the truth I'm being too modest in my assessment. The statements I hear about what I'm doing is "You're doing a good job." And along those lines. And it soothes my worries and makes me feel better about the things I can't do (because I lack the experience or knowledge).
I'm feeling much better today because all this week I have managed to spend some time talking with colleagues rather than doing work all the time. Paper-pushing this, paper-pushing that. Worry this, worry that. Wait this, wait that.
I have worked some overtime - I got the BB to sign off on it so hopefully it means I will be paid more money next payday. Thing is, I really need that money. I didn't know how much it costs a couple to live a normal social life on a low-ish single salary. And, I'm supposed to get married in April. With the Reception-Wedding Banquet to go with it. I/we can live currently on payday to payday. But it will be difficult, imo, to factor in a celebration too. Especially if I wanted to attend the many festivals to come up - Lantern Festival this weekend to celebrate the end of the Lunar/Spring Festival; Arts festival; comedy festival, etc. I'm skipping on the Wine & Food festival, the Jazz festival, etc.
I'm also sleeping a lot more this week which is good. But it's cutting into my gaming time.
I'm hopeful to get a good boss by mid-February.

Friday, Feb. 03, 2006, 7:10 a.m., job satisfaction

Right now my job satisfaction is pretty damn low. Not the lowest it has ever been (I've experienced lower last year). But right now I am rather demoralised.

Last night I got the message that they aren't looking to promote me. Or look to increase my experience and skills to allow me to get some promotion.
Which leads me to conclude that they don't value what I do very much at all. Except then I heard that they value what I do so much they don't want me to go anywhere. Argh. This paragraph has me in tears of frustration.

My manager resigned, and left the same week I came back from holiday. And I was asked to be Acting Office Manager until the new one is hired (closing date next week). I have been working 10 hours overtime each week for the past 2-3 weeks. I'm stressed and tired.
On top of all that I get the second paragraph sentiments.

On the bright side my home life is pretty good. My sister is still depressive. My SO still isn't hale and hearty. But they both love me and they look after me. And it soothes me to spend the time with them.

On the other bright side my dad in Singapore has taken to txting me. It is in Chinese characters (which I can't read) but his sentiment is there. Much more touching than telling me his arrival time back in this country. I'm pretty sure his latest txt was to wish me a Happy Chinese New Year.
I love Chinese New Year. It lasts longer than one day and the feeling of bursting hopefulness is wonderful. (a real contrast to my opening soliloquoy.)

I wonder what I need to feel appreciation from others for the job I'm being paid for.
- I get thanked a whole lot.
- And yesterday I got an aside-compliment from a colleague. She said that our associate school was less organised for interviews than us, and that I was very efficient. (not as succinctly as that tho. first I heard that I wasn't doing as well as the other school.)
- And I help lots of students and get thanked by them. Last week a friendly student (I rather like her as a person) gave me a can of pear drink from Korea - she'd gone there for holiday).
- And right now I'm learning a lot of new things for the AOM role - and learning new job is what I have wanted to do for over 7 months. The exhiliration of new knowledge to apply. The exhiliration of new information in my memory. The click of joy that knowledge is applied appropriately. The humbleness when I realise I made my mistake, and the conscientiousness when I practice not to repeat my mistake.
and I feel they want to take that away from me.

Who are 'they'? They are the Powers That Be. My manager's manager. My head of school.
so what can I do?
I can find another job is what I can do.

Saturday, Jan. 21, 2006, 8:46 a.m., returned to work

First week returned to work. On Monday I found out my boss had resigned with her final day at the end of the week. Not too bad I'd supposed. Why do I feel bereft?
I'm overloaded with Student Administration work. And then I had some assistance with it which helped a lot and now I'm strambling to generate enough work for them to do. Filing, postal, things like that. And I'm still trying to catch up on last week's emails.

One of my reasons in being anxious is that I'm the Acting Office Manager. Of course I could apply for the replacement job myself. If it is doing what I'm doing now then I can do it. I have a suspiscion it involves things such as being able to anticipate any problems which may crop up and find ways to eiver avoid the problems or to find a solution. I'm good at finding solutions but not good at anticipating problems.

Anyhow I wake up early with thoughts of student administration in my head. Then it segues to how to re-arrange the office (an interconnecting wall has been taken down and the construction work has been ongoing while I've been working in the office; I've moved myself twice in the past five days to find a work area for me).

Clear shelf- space to allow space for SA boxes.
> Put SA boxes on shelf.
Move the boxes on the Large desk to the Manager's Corner.
> Remove the Large desk.

Now, how to position the remainder of the furniture?
Move Accounts work area to the square interconnecting space.
> Move desk, credenza, table.
Move SA cabinets to back against the window-wall (cabinets opening away from windows).

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